Popular Affront

June 2024

"We SHALL do this, we WON'T do that,

Our promise to the nation.

Elect us on this manifesto,

We WILL control migration."

"No tax increases, read my lips,

We'll safeguard OAPs.

And kickstart the economy,

This country's on its knees."

"Invest in manufacturing,

Create jobs, build houses, more.

Incentivise the working class,

Green energy at our core."

"A conservative lack of foresight,

Left our country in a mess.

We'll sort out education,

And fix our NHS."

                       ***

July 2024

"I am your leader, listen to me,

As I assume my role.

Due to previous mismanagement,

There's a monetary black hole."

"There's twenty-two billion pounds,

Gone from central bank,

It's not our fault, look over there,

You have the previous lot to thank."

(This new government's incompetence

creates the party line):

"I know we repeated twenty-two,

But it's actually forty-nine."

This fiscal mountain millstone,

An inheritance, they said.

But the OBRs own figures proved,

We weren't actually in the red.

No new jobs, or houses built,

No infrastructure boom.

Economists considered,

Taxing babies in the womb.

(Approval ratings plummet;

he's more hated than Pol Pot.)

"We need a smart distraction,

Cabinet, let's plot."

How do you silence critics,

When millions are irate?

(Please stop your sabre-rattling

against a nuclear-powered state.)

"Everyone to the right of left,

Will be covered by proscription.

And I'll flood the House of Lords with peers,

To bulldoze through conscription."

"We've taxed our subjects out of work,

So this is our proposal.

Equal opportunities mean,

Men and women at our disposal."

An exemption for all MPs kids,

Self sacrifice is barmy,

We WILL create a Starmer Youth,

And consider a dad's army."

(He praised our gallant girls and boys,

as they contemplated their doom.)

"I will ALWAYS stand beside you."

(he said from a fortified room.)

By Jonathan Dickie