What's In a Name?

I know a big Spaniard named John,
Sixteen stone, and a bit of an eater.
His mouth contains just one incisor,
That's why I now call him Juanita.

I thought Isiah had an unusual name,
So I enquired about this with his mother.
"Next time you meet him, examine his face,
You'll see one eye's 'igher than the other."

My mate had a girlfriend at school,
Great at maths, and clever as well.
She knew all about code, binary and stuff,
So that's why she's known as Adele.

Anthony, the long-haired guy at the farm,
Spoke at length about his favourite pony.
He came from Lerwick, just five foot tall,
We nicknamed him Shetland Tony.

The new kid in class was Wayne Bruce,
What kind of superhero name's that?
It seemed like his nominals were round the wrong way,
So naturally we called him Manbat.

The minister baptised him Miles,
He was well travelled, like odometers.
At 16 years old he transitioned,
So we converted Miles to kilometres.

Some called him the missing link,
He grunted and was not very tall.
He had a strange head and a thick monobrow,
We knew him as Neander Paul.

Unlucky James had issues with health,
He was plagued with chronic sinusitis.
Plus a problem with his oral hygiene,
Which merited the name Jim Givitis.

By Jonathan Dickie