I'M A VEGAN!, I'm proud to say
No meats have passed my lips today
No dairy, cos I'm not vegetarian
No fish, cos I ain't pescatarian
To serve me steak is very rude
I don't enjoy 'normal' food
Jackfruit burgers, nuts and seeds
And apples satisfy my needs
Guacamole, beans on toast
Edamame and peanut roast
Vegan tacos, enchiladas,
Grains and carbs like rice and pastas
Posh vegans enjoy quinoa,
Tofu, tempeh and polenta
A hummus breakfast never ends
Plant-based haggis for Scottish friends
I eat nothing with a face
(folks who do are a disgrace)
when I'm dining at the pub
Crisps and Nobby's (© ) count as grub
No sausage in my sausage roll
Or honey in my breakfast bowl
No chicken wings or breast or legs
And deffo not their offspring eggs
Soy and almond made me think
Of what to add to a milky drink
A smoothie for my midday meal
Of chia seeds with orange peel
Nutritionists will talk at length
Re: eating spinach to maintain strength
An option if you're in a hurry
Is sweet potato and lentil curry
But too much yoghurt, veg and kale
Leave me listless, weak and pale
So it's goodbye oats and mushroom pies
I now deserve a meaty prize
HELLO, I AM A CARNIVORE!
(well, technically an omnivore)
If God wanted us to eat bland food
Why do animals taste so good?
by Dame Henrietta T. Sprout
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