Say hello to Brian McTavity
He's got a kangaroo loose in his cranial cavity
He's super bright, but you'd never guess
There's paint on his beard and his hair is a mess
The front of his trousers are heavily stained
(what looks like an outline of Africa ingrained)
His teeth are all yellow, his nose is bright red,
Michael Bentine's circus performs on his head
An unmissable oddity walking the street
Making animal noises to all he would meet
Inadvertently scaring innocent weans
Throwing dog turds and screaming at planes
It's cruel but it's funny, nothing could be sadder
Than a blue light arrival of a turntable ladder
Even Brian must have felt a bit of a fool
Being rescued from a toddler's paddling pool
He can't keep a job despite not being dim
Punctuality being alien to him
He talks like a budgie, but doesn't make sense
He's lacking a filter, and causes offence
He worked in a library, sorting out books
But became a distraction, drawing weird looks
Oblivious to laughter as he answered the phone
With a fake foreign accent and nasally tone
Despite all his issues, he's right hale and hearty
A fully paid-up member of a political party
He's going places, soon you will see
Say hello to Brian, your local MP.
By Jonathan Dickie
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