Tuesday, 23 December 2025

Dilapidated Headphones

Young Timmy bought new headphones
which he thought were rather cool,
until he took them on his holidays
and dropped them in the pool.

He fished them out as best he could
and left them in the sun.
They dried out well, but quality
had dropped from ten to one.

Tom Jones sounded 5 years old,
with a voice that hadn't deepened.
Timmy wasn't happy
with this audio much cheapened. 

Bublé sounded strangled,
which some say he should have been,
while Springsteen squeeked a song or two
as if he'd burst his spleen.

Elton came off worst of all,
with a voice so much distorted,
you'd put it down to something 
that he'd swallowed, shot or snorted.

But through all this there was one track
which sounded just the same.
It was Kate Bush singing Wuthering Heights,
wow or flutter not to blame.

No detrimental audio
could twist these noises more,
than the squirming vocals she pushed out
while writhing on the floor. 

So lesson learned, Tim kept the 'phones,
but now his listening pleasure
is the soaring sound of sweet Kate Bush,
our musical national treasure.

By Alan Dickie

Monday, 22 December 2025

Break It Up

Contact, break it up,
break it up
and hide away.
Contact, contract,
Andy, you can hide away.

You gotta push the metal through,
yeah you guys push the metal through,
you'll have fifteen on your doorstep,
they won't be looking for a brew.

They'll be looking for an answer,
you should have thought of this before,
before they set out on their manhunt,
before they batter down your door.

Contact, break it up,
break it up
and hide away.
Contact, contract,
Andy, you can hide away.

We're thirty minutes from disaster,
half an hour to settle down,
we need to get this nightmare sorted,
we need to take it to the ground.

Crush it,
crush it, Andy,
need to find a way.

You said you needed time to think?
but you've got no time at all,
you're about to take the heat now,
you're about to take the fall.

Pick it up,
pick up speed,
get this metal off the road.

You should have asked me for direction,
you haven't thought of what's around,
you haven't been on top of your game,
you need to hide what can be found.

You'll have fifteen on your doorstep,
you'll do fifteen if you're found,
you've got to get this metal moving,
you've got to get it in the ground.

Contact, break it up,
break it up
and hide away.
Contact, contract,
Andy, you can hide away,
you can hide away!

By Alan Dickie

Sunday, 21 December 2025

The Journey

I don't remember much about the winter of early 1967 and the start of The Journey.
I was seven years old and introverted.
I remember being on the Aberdeen platform,
with my parents, three siblings and Daisy the tortoiseshell cat,
saying goodbye to Mary and Sandy,
the neighbours I'd always known.
Quietly crying. 
I can't recall how I got there, 
but I was there, with my family, about to leave. 
We waved from the dark wooden patinated interior of the steam train window
and I still feel the sadness of that moment,
over half a century later.
It was my first sense of loss in my tiny life.

In retrospect, this wasn't a major journey,
but it was an epic journey for a wee boy.
I'd grown up on Westerns and I likely compared it to the Westward Expansion on the Oregon Trail.
In a carriage, but minus the livestock, dust and rattlesnakes.

My only previous journey of note was at the age of three when I made off from home in a failed bid for freedom, 
crossing a busy main road before I was tracked down and rescued.

Three hours later and the train approached Glasgow Central.
It was early evening drizzling darkness and I vividly recall the new city, 
the monochrome sights and conflicting sounds,
the grinding of metal and the soot-laden buildings,
originally blonde and red sandstone,
but dramatically darkened by pollution,
the echoing of the indistinct announcements under the massive arched glass roof;
a different type of city,
industrial and imposing, with a hint of danger,
the blackened buildings in stark contrast to the glistening granite we'd left behind.

Mum had grown up here and nostalgia had drawn her back to be near her large family,
along with the need to escape the harsh Aberdeen winters and biting winds which were affecting her already poor health.

Although young, I remember Aberdeen's 'Big Freeze' in the 1960s.
One morning I opened our front door expecting light,
which only entered through a narrow gap at the top
due to a snowdrift that had accumulated overnight.
I remember we built a makeshift igloo in the garden;
and I remember removing my frozen trousers from the washing line and standing them up,
unaided on the frostbitten ground,
like a disembodied pair of legs.
That was funny.

The move, or flit as we called it, was made possible through a mutual exchange between the two councils. 
We swapped our lovely two-storey terraced house for the lower left quarter of a four-in-a-block
in a cul-de-sac which no longer matched the memories my mum had held.
Before leaving our emptied house she had carefully cleaned out our coal fire, 
down on her hands and knees,
and then had to repeat the process on arrival,
the previous tenant devoid of the domestic pride held by mum.

Our accents stood out, 
strange and amusing to the locals. 
As children, we adapted quickly,
but our dad was Doric until the day he died.
I learned not to refer to boys as 'loonies',
an innocent term back home, but liable to result in a smack here.

Daisy the cat went missing soon afterwards
and I imagined her making her own journey back to Aberdeen.

Two years later, there was huge excitement as we were allowed to stay up well past midnight
to witness the moon landing and that first, amazing step onto the dusty surface,
on our Radio Rentals coin-operated convex black and white TV,
which made no difference to those grainy transmissions from the depths of space.

This was another Journey, far greater than ours in the winter of '67.
We'd followed it for four days,
sensing the vulnerability of the three pioneers on this dangerous mission
and the potential for disaster.
Frontiersmen of the latest Expansion.
I'll never forget it. 
And don't say it didn't happen. 
I was there.

Epilogue

Decades later, after the birth of my first son, 
I visited Mary and Sandy in the apartment I knew so well.
It seemed just as it had been all those years ago.
And Mary cried. 
She cried because Mark looked so much like the infant me from a generation past.
And she cried for the son she never had.

With thanks to my sister Norma for sharing a few memories.












Aberdeen, winter 1965/1966, a year or so before the journey.
Robert, Norma, Jonathan and me just after I cut my own hair.
Bad timing for a family photo, but not the reason for moving home.

By Alan Dickie

Saturday, 20 December 2025

Big Bang

Leaden seas with depth and weight,
darkened skies with hue of slate.
Swirling mistpools light years away,
far-flung world brings unknown day.
Loud chemicals mixed in strangebrine,
feed tidal pools with life confined.
We can't imagine what might be,
contained in distant galaxy.

On our blue rock there's much to see,
in all of its diversity.
Life on Earth can mystify,
from ocean depths to mountains high,
from single cell to complex form,
binary fission to creatures born.
But Here or There, one thing strikes me,
we're from a Singularity.

By Alan Dickie

Friday, 19 December 2025

And I Waited

I aligned my slippers with the geometric pattern of the hall carpet,
then left, turning the key in both locks,
pulling the handle to check the door was secure.
As it always was.

There was a guy outside in the shadows wearing a long coat, cigarette in hand.
I couldn't say what colour his hair was,
but it was enough to start the incessant Minimoog in my head
and it stayed there for the next hour or so.

The bus eventually arrived, having ignored the timetable once again.
It curtsied by way of apology and I stepped into the heat.
The driver smiled and I think he, like all the others, recognised me.

I sat behind an old man with hair carefully designed to cover his baldness,
the low parting above the nape of his neck defying gravity as it swept upwards.
It reminded me, despite the lack of colour, of a plumage display in mating season.
But there were no likely candidates to attract here.

I sat stock still, hands on knees, staring ahead
to avoid attention from the other passengers.

I found my stop and walked towards the supermarket,
dodging the gaggle of teenagers trying to impress each other with their antisocial behaviour.

I entered the blinding harsh-light of the heaving store,
avoiding the stare of the chicken lady,
selecting my 'Free From Flavour©' meal for one
and remembering this time to pay.

The belated bus approached,
the same driver smiled in recognition
and I sat behind the plumage of the perpetual passenger.

Long coat had gone when I returned.
I entered the apartment,
immediately noticing that my slippers had moved.
I heard the leaden sounds of the pipes below the floorboards.
The Minimoog in my brain stopped.
And I waited.

By Alan Dickie

Thursday, 18 December 2025

Mary, Maybe Mae

Her name was Mary, maybe Mae,
I asked her what she'd done today,
she looked around, but wouldn't say;
I thought she was a shy one.

A single room was all we had,
the window cracked, the curtains sad,
a simple life and we were glad
to look towards our future.

She had her troubles, as did I,
we'd often laugh, but sometimes cry,
I thought our love would never die,
but that was wishful thinking.

She came and went within the year,
she left without a frown or tear,
she didn't know I held her dear;
she took my future from me.

When I look back I feel I should,
have been the type of man who could,
express himself instead of brood;
be warmer and attentive.

And now I sit here on my own,
I blame myself, I should have known,
now sentimental seeds I've sown,
within this lonely furrow.

A faded photograph remains,
within the darkroom of my brain,
but time means I can not sustain
her features, blurred by decades.

Her name was Mary, maybe Mae,
she'd asked me what I'd done today,
I'd looked around, but couldn't say;
I'm sure I was the shy one.

By Alan Dickie

Wednesday, 17 December 2025

Five Beasties

beastie
[ˈbiːstɪ]
noun
1. Scot, a small animal
2. informal, an insect
Collins English Dictionary Complete & Unabridged 13th Edition 2018 (digitally updated in 2021)

1. The East Kilbrider Spider

He can't abide a spider,
he is an East Kilbrider.
There is no-one from East Kilbride,
who likes a beast that is eight-eyed.


2. The East Milngavie* Fly

He didn't like a fly,
he came from East Milngavie.
Nobody from East Milngavie,
likes a beast that lands on pie.

* pronounced Mil-gai


3. The Berwick-upon-Tweed Centipede

She didn't like a centipede,
she came from Berwick-up-on-Tweed.
No-one from Berwick-upon-Tweed,
likes a beast that could stampede.


4. The Coventry Bee

He didn't like a honey bee,
he came from central Coventry.
No-one from central Coventry,
likes a beast with hairy knee.


5. The Hay-on-Wye Dragonfly

She didn't like a dragonfly,
she came from northern Hay-on-Wye.
No-one from northern Hay-on-Wye,
likes a beast with compound eye.















By Alan Dickie

The Ashtray's Full

I find the building, push the door, climb dark stairs to the second floor. Press the buzzer, feeling beat, my throat is dry, this stifling h...